Tuesday, May 23, 2006

10 Reasons Republicans Ought to Vote Kinky

Some liberals support Kinky as a result of his views on biodiesel as an alternative fuel and his support for gay marriage, but there aren't too many liberals here in Texas (or hadn't you noticed) so Kinky needs to get the word out that he's got lots to offer Texas Republican voters.

Here's my official list of 10 reasons Texas Republicans should vote for Kinky (I stole this list from a whiney liberal, but I fixed it to take out the whining):

(1) Kinky has run for office in the past as a Republican,

(2) Kinky voted for Bush/Cheney in 2004,

(3) Kinky's interview with Ruminator magazine confirms that he supported Bush's Middle East foreign policy,

(4) Kinky's public voting records confirm he was mistaken when he said he voted for Gore in 2000,

(5) Kinky hasn't voted for a Democrat in any election at least from 1994 to 2004,

(6) Kinky wants to take time during the school day for prayers in schools,

(7) Kinky wants to post the Ten Commandments in public school classrooms,

(8) Kinky is not obsessed with political correctness,

(9) Kinky knows how to deal with illegal aliens from Mexico, and

(10) Kinky’s immigration policy of hiring Mexican generals to police our border is a great idea that John McCain has endorsed.


Well, that's my top 10 list and I didn't even include the fact that Perry just signed the biggest tax increase in Texas history.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Step Away from the Stop Kinky Blog

A warning from Laura Stromberg, who is Kinky's spokeslady:

"Some of you may be aware of a blog called "Stop Kinky" that is
dedicated to, well, stopping Kinky.

I won't even get into the various falsities and inaccuracies one can
find throughout this particular blog, but I would like to ask all who
are tempted to rise to Kinky's defense to consider doing this instead:
absolutely nothing.

I'm a tremendous fan of blogs, and I believe there are some incredibly
good ones out there. But this particular blog is nothing more than one
man's slanted and very personal agenda, and we hope that it receives
as little attention as possible."

Monday, May 08, 2006

Kinky "Gets It" About Political Correctness

Kinky is a genius. With all the politicians in Texas acting like officers in the political correctness police, Kinky promisses to "de-wussify Texas."

According to a recent story in the Austin American Statesman, Kinky is smart enough to realize "the more people I offend, the more people will like me."

Here are some other gems from that story:

"That's the problem with politicians; they don't want to offend anybody. In so doing, though, they offend all of us." Friedman later questioned any conflict between cracking wise and delivering a message voters weigh seriously. "I'm not a politician," he said. "I'm a compassionate redneck; relate to me different than these guys or you won't get accurate results."

...

In a November CNBC interview, for instance, he was pressed on a line in his 1987 novel, "A Case of Lone Star," comparing New York to "a Negro talking to himself." Friedman said he saw nothing wrong and even said of sexual predators: "Throw them in prison and throw away the key and make them listen to a Negro talking to himself." Video excerpts appeared online on the Burnt Orange Report, a pro-Democrat blog.



Good stuff. I saw the video, and it's hilarious! Check it out!



When the politically correct principal at a Texas public school told Kinky he couldn't have his cigar on campus while he was addressing the students, Kinky dared the principal to call the sheriff because he wasn't going to give up his stogie.

Here's a story about it in the Fort Worth Star-Telegram:

Based on a Zogby International poll last month for The Wall Street Journal, Perry has about one-third of the vote. Democrat Chris Bell and Comptroller Carole Keeton Strayhorn, an independent, both have about 20 percent, with Friedman close behind.

Apparently, Kinky gained votes after he was caught last month committing a heinous violation of Texas liquor laws by drinking a Guinness in a moving car during a St. Patrick's Day parade.

Now he's in trouble again.

A school administrator stopped him on his way into a high school in the Hill Country town of Ingram.

Friedman, as always, was smoking his trademark cigar.

It's against state law to smoke or dip tobacco on school property. The cigar had to go out.

But the administrator told him that under a local policy, he couldn't even carry it.

They agree on what Kinky said next: "Call the sheriff."

Nevertheless, Friedman spoke with the cigar.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Kinky "Gets It" About Foreign Policy

Kinky spoke with Ruminator Magazine about his thoughts on Bush's foreign policy:

Ruminator: So does this idea of the honorable cowboy have anything to do with why you threw your support behind President Bush in this last election? You did, didn’t you?

Kinky: Yes. I did in this last election, but I didn’t vote for him the first time....I was not for Bush that time. Since then, though, we’ve become friends. And that’s what’s changed things.

Ruminator: So it’s your friendship with him that’s changed your mind about having him as president more than his specific political positions?

Kinky: Well, actually, I agree with most of his political positions overseas, his foreign policy....I basically think he played a poor hand well after September 11. What he’s been doing in the Near East and in the Middle East, he’s handling that well, I think.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Kinky "Gets It" About Illegal Mexican Aliens

I just saw a story in the Texarkana Gazette that showed me Kinky Friedman gets it. Here's what Texas governor candidate Kinky said about the illegal Mexican alien problem:

"Mexico is not a poor country...all of these politicians are afraid of offending Hispanics. I want the border off the evening news until we get something resolved."

Kinky's been saying that Mexico ain't poor for better than a year now. Here's a another story out of the Kilgore News Herald, where Kinky says "Mexico is not a poor country."

Here's some other interesting stuff out of that story:

"He proposes auctioning Texas sports funding to the highest bidder -- Nike or Coca Cola or Adidas or some other corporation that would like the opportunity to “get their hooks into the athletes while they’re still young.”

...

“I am going to see non-denominational prayer and the Ten Commandments put back in the schools.”

Friedman said the Ten Commandments might have to be called the ten rules or something similar but they need to be back in the schools. “They say this is part of my wussification campaign but, as my spiritual advisor Billy Jo Schafer says, “If you don’t love Jesus, go to hell.”

One of Friedman’s most unusual ideas addresses border security.

He proposes creating what he calls the Five Mexican Generals plan. As he lays it out, the border with Mexico would be divided into five pieces with a Mexican general responsible for each. A $1 million trust fund would be created for each general.

“When I talk about the five Mexican generals, people think I’m joking but I’m dead serious,” said Friedman. “I will divide the border into five jurisdictions, assigning one Mexican general to each and providing a trust fund for that general. Every time a person crosses illegally, we subtract $5,000 from the trust fund.”